I had known I was different since I was six, but didn't know how and anyway, "different" meant "bad" to so many people. The early period after transition was also an awkward period of adjustment, not unlike adolescence, but I made it. And the condescension Cathy experienced from the health services administrator left her in tears. I guess they dont have much to do there during the Antarctic winter. I find it lacking. I came to the conclusion that I had prayed for the wrong thingI prayed that God would fix me. I'm so proud and appreciative of how far we have actually come. I was raised in a small town by loving parents and know before I was ten years old that I was different than the rest of my family and friends. Transitioning was much tougher than I had expected. I must respect their grief. Fifty-six percent of transgender youth have experienced suicidal ideation, compared to 20 percent of their cisgender peers, an alarming number in itself. [5] She currently lives in Colorado. Before meeting my fianc Drew, almost all of the men attracted to me would insist upon our time together to be kept a secret. Nevertheless she spent the first few decades of her life as a married man with children forging a highly successful career in American evangelical . It is one of my favorite books of all time, even better than The Middle Passage, another great book by the brilliant Jungian analyst. I read novels on airplanes, and before I go to sleep at night. (This is paragraph five, if youre counting.) I do feel lucky in that my transition was really smooth. I believe the majority of those young people will eventually decide they are not transgender. It wasn't like when I was that innocent boy who wore a dress and felt liberated. By classifying gender affirming care as child abuse, you also make individuals in a plethora of professions mandatory reporters, likely to lose their jobs, licenses, and freedom if they do not report such abuse.. But little else is as we would wish it to be. Episode 56: Paula Stone Williams, Prominent Evangelical Pastor and If that is true, it is not fair to them. Leelah's unsupportive parents attended a church that taught them not to accept their daughter's gender. Starting when she was 4, Paula asked God during her bedtime prayer to wake up as a girl because she knew she was "in the wrong body." I prayed to God every night to make my genitals disappear; I didnt want the male physique I was born with. Being disowned by my entire family, last year, hasn't deterred me from being a fighter in all senses of the word. Genderqueer people like me are an important, but often overlooked, part of the transgender community. Thirty-one percent of transgender teens have attempted suicide, compared to 11 percent of their cis peers. "I thought, 'Oh, s---. Instead, I steered the conversation to the many blessings I have experienced since my transition. Williams . "Paul Williams gave vital leadership to Orchard Group for decades, including serving as President from 1989 until 2009 . On December 31, 2013, Paul retired quietly from Orchard Group. In my 20s I spent a miserable two and a half years in psychoanalysis trying unsuccessfully to rid myself of my transgenderism. Today, that number is down to 47 percent, a rather precipitous drop. Neither is losing your entire pension, or having hundreds of friends abandon you because you are no longer useful to them. Im concerned that more and more people have no problem saying to me, Oh, I dont read books. Do they really understand what they are saying? (I wouldnt trust someone who says its all over the Internet with the amounts of our income.). July 14, 2021: Transgender Pastor Had To Rebuild After Coming Out Paul Williams, who led the conservative church planting organizationOrchard Groupfor 20 years,has publicly come out as a transgender woman named Paula Stone Williams. God says so. I was given the usual girl stuff, but I wanted Tonka trucks, I played with the boys in my neighborhoods and did not get along with girls much. I showed everyone that I was a man, at least on the outside. How do you prove you are still married when you just celebrated your 50th wedding anniversary 16 days earlier? Freedom to live authentically, to support our families and our communitiesand to be loved. Itll always be that way when you live in community with other messy, self-absorbed, avoidant humans. Today, Cathy lives about twenty-five minutes away. Awful, right? The church is also a place in which the total is greater than the sum of the parts. By telling my story it is in hopes that this number will go down. Over 60 percent of Republicans believe transgender people should have the same civil rights as anyone else. I find myself exploring people more fully and more beautifully now that I don't really regard gender or bodies as any sort of label for them. Longmont pastor 'left with a great sense of hope for our nation' after ", Paula went on to state: "I do not care about their (evangelicals') brand of orthodoxy. They are the most at risk group in the nation. Guest(s): Paula Stone Williams. Paula has been featured in the New York Times, TEDWomen, TEDSummit, Red Table Talk, TEDxMileHigh, the Denver Post, National Public Radio, ABC, and many other media outlets. Paula has been featured in theNew York Times, TEDWomen, TEDSummit, TEDxMileHigh,Red Table Talk, theDenver Post, the New York Post,New Scientistmagazine,Radio New Zealand and many other media outlets. Every now and again, I check out their latest news. We enjoy working together and share similar concerns about the priorities of our beautiful town. Americans no longer go to church, they say. Paula Williams delivers a speech about inclusiveness, loving neighbors and religious rights at the 59th Inaugural National Prayer Service hosted virtually on Thursday by. But if I do that talk, then the whole world will know how old I am, and if you havent noticed, age discrimination is real. Stopping anti-trans laws from being signed into law will solve that problem. For most of my life, I felt like I was sitting in no man's land, waiting for someone to give me a push so I could finally feel whole. The Reverend Paula Stone Williams knew she was transgender from the time she was 3 or 4 years old. [6] Her book, As a Woman, was published in 2021. Even though it's been a tough process for my family I choose to stand on the side of love and acceptance for my father and so many others," Jonathan wrote on his Facebook page. It seemed to go well, though you can never tell when youre sitting in your living room talking on Zoom and viewers are scattered all over the planet. Then her name was Paul. As I began to transition I was told I would never be able to model as a "male", because I was only 5'7 and not a real man. One day, my fianc tendered, Have you realized that youre a guy yet? The Greek Poet Cavafy suggests that perhaps the goal of the journey is the journey itself. Jung also said life is a luminous pause between two great mysteries. It's a battlefield with my body using guerrilla warfare on my mind. Our granddaughters are our delight. . Some struggles are obvious to all, but most are privately endured. I like to mix humor with pathos, and I couldnt find much humor in the actions that forced the development of my resilience. I thought that I was completely alone in what I was feeling, that something was severely wrong with me, and that I needed to be "fixed.". I was fired one week later, for "egregiously violating company policy". Dr. Paula Stone Williams: As a Woman - Commonwealth Club It is that way for everybody. While I thoroughly endorse children being able to explore their gender identity, when the day is over there will still be about .58 percent of people who are transgender. It all started in the 1980s with the Moral Majority. Everyone with whom I was close, including Cathy, knew it was no longer sustainable for me to remain living as Paul. Since initiating transition in 2009, I consider transition the amazing journey of a lifetime, rather than a singular ultimate destination that may some day be reached. As a Woman: What I Learned about Power, Sex, and the Patriarchy after I Now, I feel about some parts of the United States like I feel about fundamentalist Muslim nations in the Middle East. For more on Paula Stone Williams' journey, pick up the latest issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands Friday, or subscribe here. To be "real," not only meant defining my physical appearance, but also doing work that spoke to my heart and values. For awhile she believed a "gender fairy" would. I check my junk file every week and notice I sometimes receive emails from a watchdog group riding herd over evangelical ministries. Gender is only learned environmentally. Now, in an exclusive interview featured in this week's issue of PEOPLE, Paula, who has risen to prominence as a trans-rights and gender-equity activist, opens up about the inclusive church she's founded, her new memoir As a Woman and her work now to make amends by spreading lessons of love and compassion. It is a memoir. My gender is not that simple. She served as president of the Christian church planting organization Orchard Group from 1989 to 2009. Was I really that bad before?) The church I serve as a pastor, Left Hand Church (more about that in my next post) is every bit as much of a mess as any other church. Growing up queer and learning I was transgender made me feel searing pain as well as transcendent highs. I was solely able to change my state's policy on sex marker designation for people who were pre-operative and trying to get their driver's license updated to match who they were. After all of the laws and rhetoric of the last few months, its pretty hard to make me laugh about this subject. Paula Stone Williams, of Left Hand Church in Longmont, transitioned at age 60. We intend to continue to do so with future requests, as well," he said. I love vacationing in Hawaii, and often peruse sales listings on the Internet after I get home. But I do still struggle with the pain they all experienced. With humor, insight, and a surprisingly candid perspective, Paula will increase your understanding, answer your questions, and help you navigate the dangerous cultural waters of sex and gender politics. I still remember the day my mother announced that I could no longer run shirtless outdoors in the sunshine. Once I hit female puberty all I wanted was for it to stop; it was pure agony. Enough is enough. Nevertheless, people get upset. I learned that no matter how bleak the outlook may be, it IS possible to be your true self no matter how many obstacles are in your way. Trans people have a suicide attempt rate of 41 percent, six times higher than any other people group. Once my generation dies off, there will be few left to fight against LGBTQ+ rights and womens equality. But last I checked, my generation isnt dying off all that quickly. I remember being in that place as a young person feeling like I can never have the life I wanted to have. A trans woman on losing male privilege. As pained as I am to lose the boy, it lifts my heart so see her smile from the inside out. I believe that one of the major reasons I was finally able to be honest with myself was knowing that the Austin Police Department would support me. Even without parental support, I knew I had to do this and hoped that they would come around eventually. This war with my gender identity has not been a swift or simple one. Paula Stone Williams had not planned to sing in her interview with Ryan Warner. Judiasm teaches that you should love everyone, and at my school I was no exception. First, those seeking to retain waning power have always focused on the most vulnerable people, minorities who are powerless. Ive found my role models now in communities and coalitions of other trans women of color, who have been continual inspiration for resistance, healing, organizing, and thriving. Follow Paula's blog at paulastonewilliams.com. I was not born in the wrong body, although this rings true for so many other transgeneros. Stopping ridicule, bullying, and hate speech will solve that problem. I think of the Paul Simon song sometimes, the one that goes, 'I believe in the future we will suffer no more. With the great wisdom you have gained, with so much experience. But I also know I had little choice but to transition. Becoming a psychiatrist and confronting mental and emotional suffering beckoned me to confront my own. Maybe not in my lifetime, but in yours, I feel sure.'. Yet when I was assigned to my regular unit, the old feelings came back. A man could become a women? She shares what she's learned about power, sex, and the patriarchy. As a Woman: What I Learned about Power, Sex, and the Patriarchy after I Coming out as a lesbian in 1994 was hard enough as it was! . There are many, particularly in the academic world, who believe gender is purely a social construct. Like, this is miserable. The wife of one of the November speakers said, My husband was equal parts terrified of you and grateful for you. I said, Yeah, thats about right. Helping speakers be at their best on the day of the event brings me immeasurable joy. Imagine having to wake up every morning wishing you were someone else. Some books have hardly an unmarked page. When I got pregnant, the cis and trans community completely shunned me. This is not a rhetorical question. For someone to come out admit they are transgender is the bravest thing they can do. My old way of coping was to make myself invisible. My friends said they needed more people holding more umbrellas to protect the children. Embracing my gender variance, I transitioned to female and opened a solo medical practice dedicated to the transgendered community. One of my mentors, Roy Lawson, read a book a week. It's a lifelong process, something I will never really finish. (It is an honor to be among that 100.). I gave up the comfort of a family and career path but I gained the ability to be authentic to the man I'd always been. I'd be lying if I said that the past couple of years have been easy. I am slowly starting to believe it myself -- it takes awhile to shake one's old identity after so long. The struggle has been real for almost 30 years but I have managed to make a life for myself despite the pain and heartache. Help keep The Christian Post free for everyone by making a one-time donation today. Nothing good comes from reading reviews and comments. It is important to not forget that not everyone can 'pass' in their chosen gender or as no gender at all or any other combination or not combination thereof. Host(s): Kate Archer Kent. He was in effect saying to parents, We will take your child out of class and build a case that youve accessed gender affirming care for that child, and then we will remove your child from your home and charge you with a felony. Note nowhere in that investigation is any concern about whether or not your child is actually transgender. When you bring people together in a voluntary community, it is going to be messy. If its really good, its starred in both the back of the book and on the page itself. Why hadn't I gotten it yet? In this talk, she reflects about the male privilege she once had and how she's being treated now as a woman. So, some Christian School principal in Loveland, Colorado, earnestly warned his students parents about a threat that was so absurd it actually made me laugh. Now that the Dobbs decision has been handed down, we see America waking up to the outsize power these groups wield. We navigate as best we can. My family has been wonderfully supportive and accepting. That 2017 talk was lightning in a bottle. Being a female to male, I have no male influence. My career came to a screeching halt when the army, while preparing to discharge me for combat related PTSD, found out through the VA I was trans. I became more driven to finish tasks and projects. My wife and I decided that we would much rather have a happy, healthy daughter than a dead son. I really hope that through creating visibility of diverse gender experiences we can break down the stigma. In my current work, I hope to save people from dying. Yet even when he returned to his home and his beloved Penelope, he was called onto yet another journey, this time inland, a metaphor for the truth that the most important journey is the journey into the deeper regions of ones own soul. Those are the books on which I take notes, copious amounts of notes, starting on the back inside cover and working my way inward. I love the military, I love my military family, and I'll gladly give 30 years if I can do it as the real me. We just happened to be his last clients on his last day. Spending time with us is a threat to maintaining the fantasy that we are anything other than ordinary humans, roughly as healthy or unhealthy as everybody else. I thought it would take as little as a decade to bring about equity for trans and non-binary people in most parts of America, and not more than a couple of decades in more conservative regions. I consider myself incredibly lucky to have a family and friends who are overwhelmingly supportive. I am grateful for those who are willing to speak up. Bart Barber, Majority of pastors love to preach but few like counseling and discipling believers more: study. It took me the better part of a decade for that to truly change. That minority is made up of white, evangelical Christians, and they believe it is their God-given responsibility to enforce their moral code on the entire nation. Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email. ", But it did. [4] She has hosted several TED Talks, sometimes accompanied by her son, Jonathan Williams. Language links are at the top of the page across from the title. It was a lesson that Williams avoided confronting until after December 2013, when the married father of three announced plans to transition to Paula the woman she'd yearned to be since she was 4 years old. Lavery and Williams dig into two letters: First, from. I avoid my home states of Ohio, Kentucky, and West Virginia, unless I know I am going to be in a supportive environment. Some days it felt like my body was becoming increasingly poisoned by my own testosterone. But everything has. It takes hearing peoples stories and being in close proximity to one another to narrow the political divide. When you don't give up, and you stand against the world in defiance of what others try to make you do? Paul Williams, who led the conservative church planting organization Orchard Group for 20 years, has publicly come out as a transgender woman named Paula Stone Williams. As I wrote a few weeks ago, one of the leading organizations rallying people against trans rights is the American Principles Project. Have any of these people actually ever met a transgender person? The church is the only institution whose main purpose is to do life together, search for meaning together, celebrate lifes milestones of together, and band together to care for others. I knew I couldn't change who I was, so I resolved to act on it. These Christians will fight tooth and nail to eradicate all transgender rights. Dr. Paula Stone Williams is an internationally known speaker on gender equity, LGBTQ advocacy, and religious tolerance. There is something appealing about the one spot on earth in which you are farther from land than any other place. As a group, we hold very little power or influence. Back in the late summer I got my second email from Antarctica. NYTimes.com no longer supports Internet Explorer 9 or earlier. Are court packing and radical 'court reform' making a comeback? Trust me, you dont wanna miss them. What saved me was a return to faith, realizing that no matter what, God still loved me, and that I with His help, I would be able to muster up the nerve to move forward. And the Hawaii trip was everything we hoped it would be. Sometimes people step up and take big risks for social justice, but there are an infinite number of moments when you can help out in the small ways. For a while the best I could do was define myself by what I was *not*; it took a few years after transition to be able to own what I *am*. The acceptance received while transitioning on the job directly impacted my confidence and helped me find my voice. My transgender immigrant journey is unique and not representative of all the struggles of our communities, but I hope to encourage everybody to aspire to a life of authenticity. Instead of losing my career, I became the first U.S. foreign service officer to openly and publicly transition while serving at a U.S. mission overseas. Apprentices work at our direction to do the work. I wrestled with it, and threw out three times as much material as appears in the final edit. Dr. Paula Stone Williams is uniquely qualified to address this topic with mental health practitioners, pastors, educators, and corporate leaders. From Afternoons with Jesse Mulligan, 3:07 pm on 9 May 2018. I tried to fit in, tried to be the girl everyone said I was, and it worked, for a while. Hero's journeys, transition decisions, and Paula Stone Williams' book Along this path I've seen some of the worst of humanity and become part of a community of Trans-people that love like family. Fortunately, I am someone who appreciates life itself. As a pastoral counselor and national speaker on gender equity, with over nine million TED Talk views and a best-selling memoir about her transgender experience, Paula Stone Williams is prepared to help your company, conference, university, or agency understand why transgender issues have become such a tipping point in American culture. Over time I learned to accept and even cherish my gender difference as a remarkable gift. I joined the service to find who I am, and in the most unexpected way, I did. I am very concerned about the rights of transgender and non-binary individuals. Most put hearts of various colors next to their messages. I just did a speech on resilience last week. However, what I can provide as a pastoral counselor is not what a person can gain from regular involvement in a religious community. Today Paula Stone Williams is a pastoral counselor and woman but for the first 60 years of her life, Williams identified as male. It was only when I woke up gasping for air with the noose still around my neck, that I realized I had nothing else to lose by transitioning. Beyond the health insurance fiasco and the hate mail, I have a rich and rewarding life. What makes #MeToo so unique is that sexual misconduct . I've faced it all but the strength of just being who you are makes it all manageable. Paula is one of the founding Pastors of Envision Community Church. I can say the hardest thing for me was trying to figure out if I was disappointing God in my life decision. TRANSGENDER: Shedding Light on the Issue Dividing our Nation We both miss the intimacy we had in our marriage, but it is what it is. I know that a lot of times it seems like it would be easier just to give up. We just had our first meeting with the speakers, and I cant wait to start working with them. Paula Stone Williams | A Transgender Pastor On A Hero's Journey - End Well It cost them their daughter," Paula said. I could shake my head and dismiss them as a dying breed. My plea to White evangelicals: Leave transgender children alone - CNN My five granddaughters think I should do a talk about them you know like how extraordinary and brilliant they are and how remarkable that is, you know, given the fact that they carry my genetic material and all. It is time to walk through the door of the place that looks like it has been expecting you. I don't know if I can stay a man. There is a long path ahead, and we walk it not just for us, but for all those who will come after us; so they don't have to suffer as we did. A Transgender Woman Looks at Male Sexuality. Raised by a deeply devoted evangelical family, Paula remembers moving from state to state as her pastor father found work in different churches. I have effectively traded my white male privilege to become one of Americas most hated minorities. Ive also thought about doing a talk on staying young while growing older. If you travel far enough, you find yourself, and I travelled a long and hard journey, to come back to what I already knew. Paula Williams Has Lived Life As A Man And A - Colorado Public Radio Eight years after starting her transition journey, the activist says she is back on solid ground with her ex-wife, grown son and daughters, who had each needed time to adjust to Paula's transition. Ive been waiting for something new from Sides for a couple of years. But 84 percent of evangelicals believe gender is immutably determined at birth and over 60 percent believe we already give transgender people too many rights. It kinda shows. I would hear the word 'father,' or I'd hear the word 'boyfriend,' 'husband,' 'dad,' and I would gravitate towards it. I realized that it was finally time to stop wandering down the one path I was walking and move to the path I am destined to finish on. "I am learning a lot about what it means to be a female, and I am learning a lot about my former gender," she says. While I appreciate what a Laverne Cox is doing, she is also setting the expectation, training society, that hers is the look of trans people. My journey as a trans man has really been about me becoming a man of my design. The protestors were calling those arriving for the story time pedophiles. transgender | Paula Stone Williams It calls relentlessly toward the elusive land of authenticity that is always just over the horizon. Therapists and close friends have all used the same word to describe our circumstances tragic. 'Survivor' Winner Nick Wilson Now a State Lawmaker Addresses Backlash for Controversial 'Anti-Trans' Bill, Zaya Wade Lands First Magazine Cover: Fashion Is a 'Really Important Part of Expressing My Identity', 'Harry Potter' Actress Evanna Lynch Weighs in on J.K. Rowling Backlash: 'Give Her More Grace', Childhood BFFs Fall in Love and Marry After One Comes Out as Transgender: 'I Love His Big Heart,' Says Wife, Dwyane Wade, Gabrielle Union Plea for LGBTQ Rights at NAACP Image Awards: 'Will We Fight for All? This article about a member of the Christian clergy in the United States is a stub. Between TEDxMileHigh and TED it has had over six million views. Pretty soon audiences forget they are hearing a trans story and just hear a human story. My problem was and still is that describing what it means to be transgender is as painful as being transgender. Nevertheless, frightened evangelicals got news coverage, while anything positive about transgender people was absent from the pages of the paper. Recently, a friend woefully told me that she is terrified we wont be friends after I transition because boys never want to be friends with her. This is not the time to remain quiet. And his children say blessings on him as if he were dead. I have corrected the error that nature had made, but at the same time, I have condemned myself to living alone. Mike was our wise and seasoned marriage therapist and he had decided to retire. Its been on my mind because I have the pleasure of coaching TEDxMileHigh speakers and I am always amazed at the breadth and depth of their talks. Gender roles don't have to dictate our lives. By subscribing, you understand and agree that we will store, process and manage your personal information according to our. Im most fortunate to have is a wife that loves and accepts all of me - both as a male and female. Paula has been featured in the New York Times, TEDWomen, TEDSummit, Red Table Talk, TEDxMileHigh, the Denver Post, National Public Radio, ABC, and many other media outlets. Thankfully, protections are emerging so we don't depend on folks deciding to "do the right thing.". I was always most comfortable in boys clothes, and since I had 2 brothers, my mother was ecstatic when I was born, but little did she know, who I was to become. I dont have one scheduled, but I have started thinking about what the subject should be. Governments exist to meet the needs of the citizenry. Books are the legacy of our collective experience. Whenever I wrote essays, short stories--now comments--and people don't know my sex they ALWAYS assume that I am a male. People always expect me to tell them horror stories.