A few reasons suggest themselves: first, while 19th-century polygamy happened, it is, after all, in the past. Divorce can be an ugly, painful experience that leaves all involved angry, confused, and embarrassed. As a youth, Elder Scott would attend Church occasionally with friends or with the encouragement of home teachers and bishops. For example, they wanted to focus on home life or to take care of children. 42. They likely dont know what to do or say. They said they had asked other Mormons about plural marriage and had been met with embarrassment, silence, and awkwardness.67 I was sorry for both them and the members who had not known how to gracefully react to honest curiosity. We are indeed turning a corner finally.57. Approximately 20 percent of the Catholic men and 23 percent of the women have been divorced. 8. By addressing difficult aspects of Church history like plural marriage in their childhood and youth, eventually an understanding of the historical practice of plural marriages would be commonplace among active adult members of the Church. They make up most of the adult LDS membership. So why do From the 1840s to the present, anti-Mormon literature has accused Church leaders and members of immorality and lasciviousness, [Page 48]with suggestions that Joseph Smith started plural marriage to cover-up his own adulterous affairs.6 The 1840s saw some early purveyors of the lustful and lascivious stereotype in the supposed insider exposs of John C. Bennett and the Van Dusens.7 Ironically, some of these clichd stereotypes are still being used today. About 14 percent of the Latter-day Saint men and 19 percent of the women have experienced divorce. Web38.1. TRUTH: Scripture shows that God gives permission for divorce. In spite of their migration out of the mainstream Church, discomfort within the Church persisted and intensified over time. the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints How do I forgive them? We spoke for at least 45 minutes during which time I was very open and honest about aspects of plural marriage, including my own familys history. Jana Riess, My Polygamous Heaven . He served as the last administrator of the Aaronic Priesthood prior to the restoration of the Melchizedek Priesthood when Jesus Christ came. A couple of years ago, I was talking with one of my daughters 16-year-old friends, a descendant of LDS polygamists, and mentioned Joseph Smiths plural wives. This is, in Unlike Warren Jeffs and a small minority of polygamists, most Fundamentalist Mormons are quiet, law-abiding (other than practicing polygamy) people of good report who generally blend in with the rest of society and who have no desire to attract attention to themselves or their religious practices. Elder Scott's father, who was not a member at the time, was particularly fond of his 2-year-old grandson and was heartbroken at his passing. WebElder Dallin H. Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said, There are many good Church members who have been divorced and reiterated that unless a divorced For some, it has been too much. Temples are some of the most beautiful places on earth, but the work that takes place inside of them is what makes them sacred. Im a Mormon, I know it, I live it and I love it. Copy in authors possession. But this experience also had a profound effect on Elder Cook and "any doubts he had were swept away forever.". Although a strong marriage is the ideal, some marriages unfortunately end in divorce. Growing up, Elder Richard G. Scott's mother was a less-active member and his father did not belong to the Church. I asked my husband. Excommunication in Mormonism And they forgive.2. Pay attention to the children who are going through a really bad time. By the 1950s Mormons had become thoroughly Americanized and tended to display a split opinion about polygamy. 21. Often times in our anxiety to live Gods commandments, we focus on everything we should avoid to remain righteous. To his knowledgge this policy came from the Area Seventy. In their examination of the divorce rate within The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, using both civil and temple marriages combined, McClendon and Chadwick (2005) estimated that the current lifetime divorce rate for returned-missionary men to be approximately 12% and for returned-missionary women around 16%. After all, both the LDS Church and Fundamentalist Mormons share common roots and attributes. Tertullian, Hilary, Epiphanius, Jerome, &c. The authority of these later Fathers is of course of little account. 12. The children in that marriage joined the lawsuit and allege their stepfather abused them. This holds true whether they were married civilly or in a temple. The midwestern United States also had a good representation, as did Canada (especially western Canada). You can post now and register later. Beyond an overall dislike for plural marriage expressed by those who had negative views, there were several factors that seemed to particularly distress them. Then it should be emphasized that we no longer practice plural marriage. It should be placed within historical and theological context and be available as resource material for Saints with questions or for those who need to respond to questions. Craig L. Foster, Like Two Crazy Aunts in the Attic: Latter-day Saints and Popular Polygamy Stereotypes, Foundation for Apologetic Information and Research, accessed January 20, 2014, http://www.fairmormon.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/2010-Craig-Foster.pdf. ok now i am confused can you be one of the twelve apostles if you have been divorced does it matter if you remarried, has there been any of the twelve apostles that have been divorced or could you be one of the twelve apostles if you have been divorced i want to make sure i am not misrepresenting the LDS position. Since the time of the Manifesto, there has been suspicion that Latter-day Saints still practice plural marriage.15 Rumors and stereotyping of secret Mormon polygamous marriages have continued to the present, as news commentators and political pundits alike misconstrue and misrepresent LDS history and doctrine. I should have clarified exactly what my husband meant prior to posting. Im angry that they have broken up our family. Can Mormons Divorce if They Were Married in a Temple? - Learn By the time he was 22 years old, Elder Scott had not really considered serving a mission, until he metJeanene Watkins. Latter Day Saint practitioners of plural marriage 19. Of those who had a very unfavorable feeling toward plural marriage at the time of the survey, over three quarters of them learned about polygamy as a child or teenager.38, An intriguing survey finding was that almost 58% were children or teenagers when they learned about Joseph Smith having plural wives. In 1998, the late LDS president Gordon B. Hinckley proclaimed, I wish to state categorically that this Church has nothing whatever to do with those practicing polygamy. However, the couple experienced tragedy about five years after their marriage. The top reason for a change in calling was relocation. The only safe path through a divorce is to remain true to the gospel. Brian C. Hales, on the other hand, in an excellent essay, Joseph Smith and the Puzzlement of Polyandry, in The Persistence of Polygamy, 99151, offers a compelling argument for the proposition that Joseph Smiths polyandrous marriages were non-sexual and were eternity only sealings. Many survey respondents noted that they felt most accepted and supported by nonmembers because they were not judgmental and there is less of a stigma around divorce in the outside world. Though faced with overwhelming hardships and challenges, these general authorities gained a stronger testimony of the Savior and the importance of families while overcoming incredibly trying family situations. "When she tried to find the train, the train was gone with her four children in there.". Bill Frost, Idaho Bans Ogdens Five Wives Vodka, City Weekly, May 29, 2013, accessed January 20, 2014, http://www.cityweekly.net/utah/blog-21-7669-idaho-bans-ogdens-five-wives-vodka.html. As the children grew in age and understanding, we would explain a little more so that by the time they were teenagers, they had a broad familiarity with Mormon polygamy as a historical reality. 66. I've also known several Bishopric Counselors who have been divorced. 27. Men tend to be action oriented, so they may be less inclined to seek counseling and instead bury their feelings by working long hours or immersing themselves in a hobby. Most recently, Rebecca Wall Jeffs Musser, a former plural wife of Rulon Jeffs, with the assistance of award-winning author M. Bridget Cook Burch, published The Witness Wore Red: The 19th Wife Who Brought Polygamous Cult Leaders to Justice.14 This is a fascinating account of her life within and eventual escape from the FLDS, a branch of the fundamentalist movement. Josh Lockhart is a husband, father of two, and a Canadian Certified Counsellor based out of Kimberley, BC, Canada. Yet when he observed Elder Scott and his wife, he noticed they seemed to have a sense of peace that he did not. About 78.7% of Muslim divorcees are women; for Hindus, this figure is Brigham Young might have done that, but Joseph Smith never would. I let the subject drop. 56. Hopefully these suggestions will help those who are troubled or discomforted about the Churchs legacy of plural marriage. . My unhappy family history will not be passed on" (Elder David S. Baxter, "Finding Hope in a Troubled Family," August 2015 New Era). 49. And while such issues might be of little interest in one stake or ward, members in a neighboring stake or ward might be very interested or have a need for further teaching and explanation. I don't know if divorced men can be branch presidents though. For this reason, they think that the unmarried would include both the widowed, the divorced and those who have never been married. They just wanted to help., Member friends primarily provided support around the spiritual connection that could not be found with non-members. Later, Elder Cook would be called to serve as a counselor to his brother Joe, who was serving as the stake president at the time. True, many non-Mormons and even some members nervouslyor insensitivelyjoke about the plethora of plural wives in a suggestive way. Given how central the family is in Church doctrine, divorce in the Latter-day Saint community is a sensitive and complicated issue. Another example of anti-Mormon accusations of adulterous polyandry can be found at LDSFreedom.org, Polyandry & Joseph Smith, accessed October 12, 2011, http://www.ldsfreedom.org/node/7. Michael Brissenden, The Mormon Moment, ABC.net, October 18, 2011, accessed October 19, 2011, http://www.abc.net.au/foreign/content/2011/s3342583.htm. A whole lesson about Doctrine and Covenants 132 and not one mention of plural marriage? If this is the only thing that is causing all this polygamy angst why not just accept that it is NOT a requirement to have multiple wives in heaven and let it go at that? WebIn the end, they found that 7% of LDS members who had originally had a temple marriage were either now divorced or divorced and remarried. Was the Apostle Paul Married? Yes, He Elder David S. Baxter, a general authority of the Seventy, found the gospel at a critical time in his life. Anti-Mormon literature has portrayed Smith as sneaking around behind unsuspecting husbands backs and seducing willing women. Web(Photo: KUTV) (KUTV) At least six people are suing the daughter and son-in-law of Russell M. Nelson, the president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The important thing to remember is that Heavenly Father loves all of you and wants the best for you, both now and in eternity. Given the experiences that the participants had, they made recommendations to ward leaders, Stake leaders, fellow members, and ministering brothers and sisters on how to handle future divorcing members. It was reported that at the time of Jeffs' death at age 92 that he may have had as many as 75 wives and 65 children; however, conflicting sources indicate that Jeffs may have been survived by 19 or 20 wives and "about 60 children," including 33 sons. Enter your email to receive updates on our LDS Living content, 2022 LDS Living A Division of Deseret Book Company, What are Prophets and Apostles: Elder Dallin H. Oaks, Elder Quentin L. Cook: A Willing Heart and Mind, A new take on the parable of the lost sheep may change how you see yourself in the church, Why Know Your Religion 2.0 is all about questions, 6 temple dresses + accessories Latter-day Saint women will love. Learn more at joshlockhart.blogspot.ca. From that point on, the respondent was okay with it. Divorce can be very stressful for years., Few things in life are as difficult as divorce, Dr. Swinton shares. There was not, however, any mention of Brigham Youngs plural marriages. If the Lord chooses a divorced man to be bishop, that man will be bishop. Obviously, those who converted later in life did not have family who could explain the background of the doctrine and practice. Clear editor. In my experience as a counselor, I found that, although much of what men and women experience in divorce is the same, there are some differences: While still married, men are more likely to minimize the seriousness of marital problems. Members were stung by the presence of those who had chosen to continue plural marriage outside of the Churchs control.3 This constant reminder to both members and the outside world has embarrassed and bothered Church officials and members alike. It's true when they say that you really do find out who your real friends are when disaster strikes. Elder Oaks remarried after the passing of his wife. Elder Ruseel M. Nelson also remarrried after his first wife passed away. Again, in 1952, President Uchtdorf's father opposed the communist East Germany, and it was no longer safe for his family to remain at their home in Zwickau. MYTH: God forbids all divorce, and divorce is the unpardonable sin. This may make him feel powerless and controlled by the system. 55. One man commented, I see a lot of men in the Church who have become a little too complacent in pat (but unsatisfying) answers to questions about polygamy and womens issues in the Church, which causes some understandable frustration for women trying to see how theyre still of equal importance.56 In response to that comment, a woman wrote, I have watched a current thread about polygamy on the message board. [Page 67]Their sacrifice, etc., involving the practice was in vain and for a false principle??? Top Mormon leaders mostly Republican; two switch to unaffiliated Divorce disqualifies a Priesthood holder from even being a Bishop, let alone a General Authority. Death, war, financial insecurity, divorce, Church inactivity, there are many circumstances that can shake a family to its core and try each family member's To [Page 65]be fair, in the RS lesson this declaration evoked criticism and debate of a kind not often seen in RS.51. Melissa Crabtree, Modern Mormon Misconceptions Linger, CBS 42, Birmingham, Alabama, September 26, 2011, accessed September 28, 2011, http://www.cbs42.com/content/localnews/story/Modern-Mormon-Misconceptions-Linger/9N3Lxvw0AUS0USwYKsQHig.cspx or http://www.clipsyndicate.com/video/play/2879871/modern_mormon_misconceptions_linger, accessed April 10, 2014. As one woman noted, speaking of her Latter-day Saint friends, [I had] great support from my friends, who were divorced as well.. Pauline Christians can continue to have faith in a celibate savior who is divorced from his family, his people and his times. For example, television talk show host Bill Maher explained that Mormonism is a religion founded on the idea of polygamy. I did know one who was released when he and his wife were separated. Thirty-five percent of the sample (includes all religious affiliations) who had originally married civilly were either currently divorced or remarried. How can I worry less about it? If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. The next morning, Joe approached his father and bore his testimony, earning his father's support to serve a mission. . 17. For examples of numerous press releases and public statements regarding past and modern plural marriage, see The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Newsroom: The Official Resource for News Media, Opinion Leaders and the Public, http://newsroom.churchofjesuschrist.org/search-results.xqy?q=polygamy&x=0&y=0. 33. This is the average score out of 7 for those support systems: Divorce is the second-most stressful life event, with death of a spouse being the most stressful, according to the Holmes-Rahe Stress Inventory. 48. As for the OP. [Page 71]. Only 13 percent of LDS couples have divorced after five years of marriage, compared with 20 percent for religiously homogamist unions among Catholics and Such shock at the prospect that Joseph Smith would have practiced plural marriage reminds me of an experience I had almost thirty years ago. Copy in authors possession. As the discussion grew heated, one group member observed in a private e-mail to another, Most of those who did not agree with the reinterpretation of whether or not plural marriagewill be practiced in the Celestial Kingdomhave been hammered into submissive silence by louder voices and the powers that be.59 Near the end of the online discussion, one of the men answered a woman who adamantly expressed her belief that plural marriage would not be a requirement or even a possibility in the celestial kingdom. We should clarify to say CURRENTLY divorced or unmarried priesthood holders cannot be Bishop or a General Authority. To find out more about how Latter-day Saints experience divorce, I surveyed more than 1,000 active members who have been divorced or are currently going through the process. Scott D. Pierce, More Often Than Not, Big Love Gets it Right, The Salt Lake Tribune, December 28, 2010, accessed April 10, 2014, http://archive.sltrib.com/article.php?id=12564307&itype=storyID. First of all, those who oppose any divorced man serving as an elder almost universally do so on the basis of the apostle Pauls language in 1 Timothy 3:2. I would think not.60, Not surprisingly, the ambivalence among even active, faithful Latter-day Saints regarding plural marriage continues. If my daughters friend had been taught from her childhood, she would not have been blown away. After that, the practice again went underground and was once more surrounded by a veil of secrecy which made it even more difficult to completely stop.5, Unfortunately, the obfuscation which attended the beginning and end of the official practice of plural marriagenecessary though it wasprovided ammunition for anti-Mormons and anxiety for modern Church members. 59. I will join the Church when I know it is the right thing to do'" (Elder David A. Bednar, "The Powers of Heaven," lds.org). The historical record, however, clearly demonstrates that Church leaders intended at least a few plural marriages to continue without the Churchs public sanction and encouragement.2 This contributed to the difficulties of the next few decades. At the time, Elder Cook's father was a less-active member and thought Elder Cook's older brother, Joe, should pursue a career in the medical field instead of serving a mission. A 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization. Elders Bednar, Cook + 3 Other Apostles Whose Family One convert, who joined at age 24, wasnt told about the Churchs polygamist past until after he was baptized. "The train stopped, my mother went out and tried to get food," President Uchtdorf told KUTV. Her expression approximated that of a deer in the headlights, and she replied, Well, his wife., I finally realized that she did not want to discuss Brighams plural wives, especially if I was accompanied by non-members, so I dropped the subject.30, This experience is likely not an anomaly. DieterF. Uchtdorf, The Merciful Obtain Mercy, Ensign, May 2012, 77. That some are now agreeingon message boardsthat polygamy is something that will NOT be present in the post [mortal] world in any form, by any couple? President Dieter F. Uchtdorf was just 4 years old the first time his family fled their home, leaving everything behind. Ironically, Mary Elizabeth Rollins, who was mentioned above, was 16 when she married Adam Lightner, and yet critics have not condemned Lightner for marrying a teenager when he was 25. These survey results provide an opportunity for personal reflection. They did everything they could to raise us the right way" (Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, "Elder Quentin L. Cook: A Willing Heart and Mind", April 2008Ensign). The prospect of polyandrous plural marriages seems particularly problematic. Most of these people, however, are just trying to find a way to react to something that is so contrary to accepted marriage patterns. Before Elder Dallin H. Oaks was 8 years old, his father passed away from tuberculosis, leaving his mother, Stella H. Oaks, to care for three children on her own. Elder DallinH. Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, Divorce, Ensign, May 2007, 71. 38. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saintss uncomfortable relationship with its polygamous past is much like the painful interim between when the parties have gone their separate ways but are not yet allowed to completely sever their ties. 62. Questions & Answers: My parents were married in the temple, but now theyre divorced. This weapon must be neutralized. Finding out Joseph Smith practiced was a shockas I had not learned this in Church. LDS Even some of those who became aware of plural marriage at a young age approach the subject through a 21st-century prism that warps their understanding. List of former or dissident Mormons - Wikipedia Counsel with your quorum president, bishop, or stake president and consider professional counseling, such as with LDS Family Services, if available. Not all members of the Church have been members since their childhood, and too many new converts have stumbled upon the Churchs history of plural marriage and have been shocked and even angered they were not told of it before their baptism. I thanked her and hung up, amazed at the extent of her embarrassment and effort to avoid the subject.31, This palpable discomfort with polygamy is shared by regular members of the Church. It is within this milieu of multifarious information and misinformation that modern members of the Church are placed. To help us understand what its like to be divorced in such a family-oriented church, I conducted a survey of 1,062 Latter-day Saints who have experienced divorce. The Church and its defenders have begun to take steps to inoculate members against the insidious attacks of critics and enemies. See for example, Mollie, Picturing Polygamists, Patheos (December 24, 2011), accessed February 15, 2014, http://www.patheos.com/blogs/getreligion/2011/12/picturing-polygamists/, and Do Mormons Practice Polygamy? Mormon.org, accessed February 15, 2014, http://mormon.org/faq/practice-of-polygamy. That means the majority of adult Latter-day Saints both women and men are unmarried, widowed or divorced. apostle Gerrit Gong said Saturday morning. Their third child, a baby girl, passed away at birth and their second child, a two-year-old boy, died six weeks later following a surgery to correct a congenital heart defect. ?58, The discussion by e-mail continued back and forth between those who believed that plural marriage was a celestial principle and those who either did not believe or at least questioned whether it was indeed something that would be practiced in the Celestial Kingdom. Your previous content has been restored. 5. I thought everyone knew we no longer practice plural marriage, so I played along with him. For that matter, it may not even be as important to Saints residing in the eastern parts of Canada and the United States as it is to those residing in the western United States. The Apostles that were Married 30. One survey respondent wrote, Inadvertently finding out the truth about polygamy/polyandry absolutely devastated me.42 Another complained about Joseph Smith shacking up with women for years and then wrote, I am glad I discovered the truth about dirty Joes polyandry. I am much happier as a saved Christian outside the vile, lying Mormon cult.43, Discovery of Joseph Smiths polyandrous marriages can be a traumatic experience. The author would like to thank Suzanne L. Foster, Brian C. Hales, Laura Hales, and Gregory L. Smith for their help with this paper. Of his parents, Elder Cook would later say they "loved the Savior. 18. Hamani Stevens of the University of Oregon football team recounted how the usual misconception [Page 53]about Mormonism is that we all believe in polygamy.19 That mistaken perception is compounded and exploited by merchandizers like Wasatch Brewery in Park City that sells Polygamy Porter, a beer whose advertisement invokes a polygamy theme, asking Why have just one? Along with the beer, they sell polygamy-themed merchandise. 9. There is more of a stigma associated with it. Comments ranged from the positive to the negative and for some people, the discovery of the Churchs polygamous past was devastating. 58. Throughout his life, Elder Oaks admired his mother's fortitude and ability to raise her children in the gospel. He was baptized on 10 March 1998 in Reyjavik, the capital city of Iceland, while serving on active duty in Keflavik Iceland with the United States Navy. Joseph Walker, Sarandon Calls Pope a Nazi, Maher Calls Mormonism Ridiculous, Deseret News, October 20, 2011, accessed October 21, 2011, https://www.deseret.com/2011/10/20/20224517/sarandon-calls-pope-a-nazi-maher-calls-mormonism-ridiculous. By Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available here. Your Feelings About Mormon Polygamy.. The Church has done a good job of differentiating itself from its Fundamentalist relatives, particularly with renegade groups like the FLDS, who have exemplified the fact that while there are similarities, there are many more differences. Anti-Mormons are constantly pushing and picking at members faith in order to plant seeds of doubt and to destroy members testimonies. 53. His mother also remarried and was sealed in the London England Temple. While steps have been taken to inoculate members, more can be done. have any lds apostles been divorced Furthermore, the Church must accept that there will always be coat-tail relatives to remind its members of their past. He did, however, not require any other members to practice the doctrine until the Nauvoo period. When Elder Oaks was about 11 years old, he took a small job sweeping the floor of a radio repair shop, eventually working his way to radio engineer and announcer in his late teens. Because of plural marriages inherent sexual implications, it is natural there would be some discomfort and embarrassment. would have helped., [It] would be nice if [others] had some idea of how devastating divorce is and could have helped me get through the grieving process.
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